That kid is BACK on the escalator!

I can't fugging stand days like this - when it is my my only day off from the airport and they just NEED me to come into the bookstore - but when I get here there are the employee to customer ratio is approximately 4 to 0.5 - why do I need to be here?! I've retreated to my dungeon and I should do some paperwork. But I finally have shit to rant about so I might as well blog instead. I realize it's been a lifetime since I wrote last. But Telus and I are having a love-hate relationship and whenever I think about something clever to write, my internet goes down. Fuckers.

Anyhoo... there is a girl I work with at the airport who is friendly and a hard worker and generally pleasant to be around. But whenever a guest brings a dog in a kennel to be checked onto the aircraft, she insists on chatting with the dog for ages until the baggage handlers come and pick the kennel up. Obviously we're not allowed to take the dog out of the kennel, but she is constantly stick her fingers through the wire doors of the kennels - I guess so the dog will lick her fingers instead of getting all antsy in the kennel. I have absolutely nothing against this girl, but damn if I don't want every dog that comes through to chow down on one of her fingers. I'm not generally a sadistic person, so obviously this says quite a bit about my subconscious... it's nothing personal, I just think it's stupid to stick your fucking fingers into some random dog's kennel - especially when that dog is already pissed off that he's stuck in the fucking thing and about to be put in the belly of an aircraft for 3 hours. Alright, I'm an asshole. I get it. But if I get to learn my lessons the hard way, why can't everyone else?

It was good to get that out of my system. It's been bothering me all week.

Now onto more pressing issues: this weekend is my first ever major corporate Christmas party. I feel like I'm going to the fucking prom, everyone is so worked up about it! One can't help but obsess. I'm pretty sure I've got the high heel thing down now - unless it's all slippery cement in the Telus Convention Centre - then I'm screwed. I might as well bring crutches with me! Can anyone out there in blog land tell me the secret to applying eyeliner? Preferably so I don't stab myself in the retina? My cousin had to bail at the last minute - she was going to help me through all of my wardrobe, makeup and hair malfunctions - so now I'm going to be left to my own devices. Which - if you know me - you will know is not a good thing. Meh. As long as I'm not groped by some skeezy bigwig I'll be happy. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers on Saturday night. Ha ha!

Speaking of which - a coworker has got this great plan to set me up with one of her brother's friends - which sounded like a swell idea. Until she told me that he's studying to be a pastor. Christ. Now there's an accident waiting to happen! Could you imagine?! I dated a really religious guy once, I always felt so guilty because I thought I was such a bad influence on him - literally every night I would come home from seeing him and throw up. This is what happens when you are raised into Christianity - no matter whether you believe it or not anymore, you will ALWAYS FEEL GUILTY FOR EVERYTHING. I've said it once and I'll say it again. Fuckers.

I seem to be plagued by religion this week. Another coworker actually asked if I would like a "Keep the Christ in Christmas" sign to put on my lawn. Thankfully I don't have a lawn. What is it about me that seems to need saving?! I realize that I'm going to Hell in a handbasket, but can't someone be happy that I've just accepted that and therefore we can all move on? I just finished reading "Kensington Gardens" a novel by Rodrigo Fresan. In it, there is a character that says that the best decision a person can make in life is to sell their soul to the devil when they are a child. That way they get the best price for it. And an interesting life because they won't ask for the most mundane of exchanges.

Let us drop the subject of my eternal damnation for now. I'm much more interested in talking about this goddamn book - which is my official selection for the year of 2006. It (Kensington Gardens) has even knocked "Black Swan Green" by David Mitchell into 2nd place. I loathe people who mark pages and underline sentences in books. But this novel is overflowing with the most agonizingly fantastic prose - I've marked up the whole damn thing. It's the story of J.M. Barrie and Peter Pan, as told by a famous modern day children's book author. It is just so fucking good... I feel as though I should carry it with me all the time. I hope, I hope, I hope that more of his novels are translated into English soon.

Highlight of my week thus far: receiving a cooler full of deer and moose meat. Ironically from the same coworker who offered me the Jesus sign. I had no problem taking the meat. Apparently I look like I need to be saved and fattened up.

I wish it felt more like Christmas. Maybe because I'm not working in the bookstore so much this year - I don't get to hear the music or see the lights so often. I haven't even put my tree up yet. I'm not going home this year - which is fine with me, I'm almost looking forward to being on my own, but I'd hate for Christmas to become just another day of the week.

Ugh. 2 more hours. I'm soooooo bored. I just can't be left to my own devices for this long. Let's see if I can figure out how to post a YouTube video on here...