Mr. Livingstone, I presume? (In other news...)

You know what's fun? Family photos. Especially the ones they put on Christmas cards. You know what's even more fun? When these factors are involved:

• Said photos are taken at Wal-Mart. By a kid. Who is 14.
• When said cameraman/boy asks if we want to "wear hats".
• 3 out of the 5 persons who are being photographed are hungover. Well, 3 will admit to being hungover. Incredibly, incredibly hungover.
• When a 24 year old man is asked to "straddle" his 20 year old brother.
• When a 20 year old man is asked to "straddle" his 24 year old brother.
• When, in a fit of exasperation, the cameraman/boy asks both brothers to "just squat."
• When we are being told to look at the asshole of a stuffed frog and say "cheese".
• When the oldest sibling in the family is told she is ruining the photos because she can't "stop smirking".
• When the same oldest sibling is having hot-flashes, is feeling bloated, has bitten her tongue to a pulp to stop from laughing, and continuously has her request to include Santa's sleigh in the photo denied.

Jenn, Rus, I think the Foxes may have you beat in the Christmas card department this year. But we shall see.

My sister got a part in the Charlize Theron movie being filmed in Regina. The little cash cow even got a package in the mail from Charlize with a hand-written note and a tape recorder with American accent techniques on it. Alex will play a bossy, bitchy girl in an orphanage - which obviously is the role I was BORN to play... but no. Dennis Hopper, Ewan MacGregor, and Nick Stahl are also in the film. Alex said most of her scenes are with Ewan MacGregor. She said that if I could come up with a good Halloween costume idea for her that she would introduce me to Ewan. Apparently my suggestion of Mr. Hanky the Christmas Poo was not "good enough" because now Alex is filing for a restraining order to keep me away from Ewan.

In other brushes with stardom, Rick Mercer was at the airport last week filming for the Mercer Report. And of course, they team him up with "the hot chick" at work. You know, the one who gave her 2 weeks notice and is waiting for the hell that is her job to end, the one who doesn't know who Rick Mercer is, the one who didn't think Rick Mercer was funny. Ugh. I was one gate away, television HISTORY could have been made! We could have been the next Canadian comic duo! We would have put Wayne and Schuster, and Bob and Doug Mackenzie to shame! We could have put out a Christmas album! But no. Once again my bright and shiny star has been swiped from under me. Maybe my co-workers at the Gap were right... maybe I am most likely to have my own cable access show. But damn it! If Wayne's World can make it, so can I!!!

It's no wonder I have stomach pains. Life is obviously too stressful. Next week I get to have an ultrasound - just to check on the progress of:
a) the second coming of Christ
b) Tom Cruise's real alien baby (Suri is just a ruse to fool the paparazzi)
c) the deteriorating condition of my ulcer. Hooray!

Yesterday I got my bottom braces put on. The orthodontal fun never stops around here. The whole process got off on a shaky start until the orthodontal assistant realized that I already have my top braces. I never realized how catastrophically crooked my teeth were until I got braces. I also never realized how much I grind my teeth - now I have these great metal plates molded onto my molars. Trying to eat is a real treat - Jazz and I seem to go about the same way these days. Just kind of toss it up, and hope the food will go sliding down the gullet. Too bad I've never been fond of oysters.

Shout out to baby Tiernan. Aunti Autumn loves you, but I wish you would stop vomiting your food everywhere. That way you can fit into the Motley Crue shirt I made for you. Skinny models are sooo out baby.

Looking forward to heading home in 2 weeks. Jen and Rus are having a partay. They say ping pong will be involved. I'm not sure if it's a no pants allowed party though? They keep bribing me by saying that some boy who lives with his parents and doesn't have his own telephone will be there and I simply HAVE to meet him. (Yeah, I'm sure he also has every Star Trek novel ever written. Eeeegh.) Personally I think it's just an excuse to play the fake plastic ponies that Rus keeps eyeing up whenever we scour the Casino Regina for this mystery man.

Oh. Who am I kidding? I'm intrigued. At this point in the game, I guess I kind of have to be. What with that Ewan restraining order and all.

I hate to leave you all hanging, but it's time I returned to my study of children's gulags in Russia. The fun, literally, never stops in the Dharma Bum's shoebox - I mean, apartment.